The World's Biggest Biscuit or Today's Little Bit of Stupidity

Okay, did you ever do something that was so bizarre, so stupid, but actually turned out well? That's what happened this evening when I was cooking dinner. I had planned on a simple, traditional Southern meal. Great Northern White Beans (slow cooked in the crock pot all day long) and cornbread. Small plug here. The world's BEST cornbread mix is called Korn Kits, and can be found in some southern Wal-Mart Supercenters and Kroger stores. I have not been able to find any in the St. Lou area, and have made it a point of buying multiple packages when I'm back in Arkansas. But I digress.

I came home after an excrutiatingly long day at Job #2. Footsore and hungry, I mixed up the batter, and noted that it seemed more like pancake batter in consistency than cornbread. I shrugged it off, confident that I had made no error. About ten minutes later I extracted the skillet ( the ONLY way to make cornbread IMHO) from the oven. It looked...odd, but not unlike cornbread, so again I shrugged. The beans were ready, so I spooned a healthy portion into my bowl, added ketchup (don't knock it 'til you've tried it. TRUST ME ON THIS.) And cut the "cornbread" into pie-wedges. Hmmmm, I thought, looks...fluffy. I slathered on the Country Crock and took a bite. Definitely NOT cornbread. I went and retrieved the packet from the trash can. Apparently, Korn Kits also makes a damn fine biscuit mix. And thus, I made the world's biggest biscuit.

Don't worry, I'll give it a good home.

Tamela

Movie Review: The Fantastic Four

The short version: Not all that fantastic.

The long version: This movie had lots of potential, almost as much as it had hype. And with today's movie technology, there is no story that cannot be told. It is distressing, therefore, that a movie can still go awry on such an easily fixable thing as dialogue. This movie had more cheesy lines than any singles bar in America. Fantastic Four lacks the serious "oomph" of previous comic book movies i.e. Spiderman, Batman (ooooohhh Batman Quickie Movie Review: It's perfect.)

Other easily fixable issues I had with this flick:

1) Jessica Alba. Yes, she's gorgeous. Yes, she's a moderately talented actress. But gimme a break, Hollywood. This girl is officially WAY over exposed. And I'm not just talking flesh here. She's in frickin' EVERYTHING! And I liked her SO much better as a brunette.

2) Jessica Alba's makeup. Waaaaay too much. Again, she's gorgeous. She didn't need half as much spackling as the makeup department slathered on her. Unless, that is, she's a completely manufactured beauty (a' la Brittany Spears) and I've just missed it.

3) Jessica Alba's Susan Storm. The Former Husband pointed this out to me. She's named early on as a top geneticist. She is then quickly reduced to the role of The Group Den Mother/Nag. Very disappointing.

4) Ioan Griffud. I like this guy. I REALLY like this guy. I did NOT like him in this role. I simply wanted more.

*Slight Spoiler Alert*

5) Dr. Doom. Okay, I was a DC Comics fan. Therefore I say this knowing that I could be way off here. This guy was simply not threatening enough. In particular, the scene where he emerges from the back of a GARBAGE TRUCK! Sheesh. Again, more cheese.

The best things about The Fantastic Four were:

1) Michael Chicklis. His performance as The Thing was dead on. As was his costume. Props to Mr. Chicklis for simply being able to wear that thing for hours at a time.

2) The special effects. Not lacking here. Pay particular attention to Johnny Storm when in costume and fully engulfed in flame.

All in all it was an okay flick. Simply okay. TRUST ME ON THIS, wait for the video.

Tamela

The Fourth Revisited

In an effort to actually do SOMETHING that felt like celebrating the Fourth of July, I decided (against the admonitions of almost everyone in town that I know) to venture out to Fair St. Louis, for some quality fireworks. This is not something I have had the opportunity to do (nor will I do again, at least not in the same way) since moving to St. Lou, and I figured I should go at least once.

I'll cut to the chase. NO interest in seeing the Oak Ridge Boys, so I skipped that and headed to the east side of the Mississippi for what I call some "chicken shit gambling". I won $3.25 on the quarter slots before chickening out and cashing in while I was ahead, and lost $2.00 at the roulette wheel. It was then that the fireworks started and I made my exit.

After the fireworks (most of which I missed due to the gawd-awful distance one must walk to get from the casino to the front door), I re-boarded the Metrolink (part of my brilliant plan, you see, getting on at the East side of the river insures a seat). At Laclede's Landing Station, the idiots boarded.

The idiots took the form of several YOUNG girls (probably in the 13-16 year old range, and that may be generous) who were obviously unaccompanied by parents. These young idiots were loud, rude, and above all FOUL mouthed. As Bill Cosby would have put it, the conversation went mostly thus: Filth and foul and foulfoul filth. Muthafilth and foul and foulfilth foul.

Most of the bitching (and TRUST ME ON THIS, it was 99% bitching) was about the crowded conditions on the train. These girls refused to move two feet back into the aisle, where there WAS room (if you don't count all the sub-idiots who were sitting on other peoples laps with their feet in the aisle, that is), verbally abused the poor souls who tried to board the train at later stops (although there was some small idiocy in that act as well) and just generally made everyone on the train uncomfortable and highly annoyed.

Unfortunately for me, I was right next to these harridans-in-training. Also unfortunately, I am a pacifist. These girls could have used a severe dressing down, but my poor, overtaxed brain just couldn't muster. They finally got off at a station about half-way down the line.

The point of this post? My own little bit of bitching, I suppose. But with much less filth and foul and foulfoul filth.

Tamela